Have I been brainwashed?
Eric Jervis I returned from holiday a week ago to find that my keyboard had mysteriously destroyed itself, inasmuch as some of the letters did not work. I am the secretary of a gentlemen's club so I need constant access to my emails and I need to send out emails, so I immediately bought one on eBay for £27, the same model as my broken one. It arrived on the Tuesday to my great joy, but hoping that the postman had not damaged it too much when he slammed it through my letterbox, as it was most inadequately packed in a bit of currogated cardboard and a scrap of brown paper. I was disappointed, it did not work. The next day a friend gave me a new Mac keyboard that he didn't need, unfortunately it was from an Intel iMac, was wireless, and didn't work. I spent a few days trying to track down another one; impossible. OK, I thought, any Mac keyboard will do, so long as it doesn't require an Intel Mac. So, off to PC World then! A huge place eight miles away, as big as an aircraft hangar, with persons whizzing around like nobody's business. Once I'd worked out how to distinguish the staff from the customers I managed to buttonhole one, who passed me on to another one, who directed me to the repairs counter, from whence I was directed to a man in the far distance who was their Mac person, and who whisked me off to a display in the middle of the hangar, where keyboards were displayed, some of them for Macs. I was overjoyed, and, sensing my obvious need to be alone with them, he left me to serve a more important person on the other side of the building, alleging that he was going to get the key to the display cabinet. I was rescued by a man whose badge proclaimed him to be the television specialist, but who had a key to the cabinet. "That's the one you need" he said, "It'll work on any Mac", which aroused my suspicions as I knew that was most unlikely. "It will work on a non-Intel machine then", I said with a hopeful smile. "Yes", he said, Oh yes, definitely". And turning it over and reading the label he said, "Hmmm, well, hmmm, yes, needs OSX 10.6, hmmm". I tell you frankly, gentlemen, I was not pleased. Off home then, gnashing the dentures. Searching the internet, which is jolly hard when you can't spell what you are looking for because the letters you need don't work. "Aha", I thought, tomorrow is Sunday, I'll go to the car boot sale, there's sure to be a Mac keyboard there". There were lots of keyboards, boxes of them, but not one for a Mac. I browsed through Yellow Pages and found that the Super Duper Five Star Apple Reseller Specialists in Truro was open on The Lord's Day, so I gave them a ring. "I'm after a keyboard for a non-Intel Mac", I said, "What ones have you got in stock"? "What do you want to connect it toooo?", said the bimbo at the other end. "To my computer", I said, with the merest hint of despair in my voice. "But what do you want to connect your computer tooooo?, she said. Oh dear oh dear oh dear, I almost lost my presence of mind, but I realised she was obviously blond and therefore not to be blamed as she was probably the manager's mistress. Eventually I managed to get it across to her that I wanted a keyboard, not a cable, and she informed me that, Yes, they had one in stock and it was a mere forty pounds. By a strange coincidence, exactly the same price as the one in PC World, which was useless to me. Not wishing to make a fruitless round trip of twenty four miles, I interrogated the young lady further. Finally managing to extract from her that it was exactly the same keyboard as I had been offered in PC World, and was therefore equally useless to me. So much for giving them the vote and letting them drive cars!
Then I had a brainwave. Why didn't I ring up my old chum Gwylym, who collects old Macs, and to whom I always give my redundant ones? He had one! Yes!!! Over to his place, back to my place, and it works like a dream; I'm using it now. so delighted was I that I immediately cleaned all my stuff off the old G4 and whizzed back to his place with it as he had been reduced to using a PC. (Shudder). He put it on the desk next to the horrible Windows machine, unplugged the PC, and then plugged everything, the mouse, the monitor, AND THE KEYBOARD, into the G4, and it all worked PERFECTLY!!!!!
Thank you for listening, Gentlemen, I feel better now.